As a teenager, I was a sucker for romantic novels. I would easily identify with the female heroine: brie with the delicate complexion, the slim but voluptuous body, and the simple but captivating aura. Not that I looked anything like her. She was always pursued by a mysterious and enigmatic man who had handsome chiseled features. And he would move heaven and earth to win her love. I would sigh with their ensuing passionate kisses and almost pant as they consummated their undeniable need for each other. (They always had great sex!) But the story always ends after the wedding. Guess, the reality of married life is not the stuff romantic novels are made of.
When asked why they are marrying their mate, most couples would retort, because he or she completes me, or they can’t live without each other, or that they are soul mates. What all these boil down to is that they can’t wait to lay their hands on each other. And they quiver in anticipation for a lifetime of passion and pleasure.
“Sex is over-rated!” one of my newly wed girlfriends remarked. Well, if you’ve read a lot of romantic novels and watched some of those erotic films, you’d probably feel shortchanged and even deceived after having done it for the first or even the fiftieth time.
Movies, especially, somehow give the impression that when you have sex with someone you love, you feel gratification and pleasure. But just like any sport or hobby, lovemaking requires practice and repetition to get the hang of it. And if you’re married, you have the license. So get to it! The more you do it, the better it gets.
In your first year of marriage, they say, if you put a marble in a jar every time you have sex, and after the first year, you take out a marble each time you do it, they say you will never empty the jar. This is not exactly the case for all couples but it does seem true for some.
Sometimes, marriage sex becomes dull and routine. There are a lot of things that can diminish your “lust”: anxiety about work, money, or the kids. All people struggle with these concerns and sometimes, after years of being married, sex just becomes one of the items in your “to do” list. And it may not even be priority. I think, we should make an effort to try seeing sex as a time where we can take in rather than give.
You used to be that your hearts would race when he clasps your hand and gazes into your eyes. The skin on your shoulders and back would tingle as he gathers you in a tight embrace. Used to be that you feel breathless with every kiss he presses on your lips. You would revel in the sensations brought by his fingers and tongue. And you would be eager to cater to his every kinky fantasy. Nowadays, you hurry sex if you cannot avoid it, such that everything is over in two minutes. I wonder who feels cheated — him or her?
Another lust diminish her would be loss of confidence in your looks. After a baby or two, it is virtually impossible for any woman to have the body she once had. The likes of Demi Moore and Angelina Jolie, whose bodies seem to have become even better through the years could only be a product of expensive pampering most of us cannot afford. The majority of us have to bear with those unwanted pounds. That dreaded love handle that folds when you are sitting and droops when you are on your side and those breasts which have lost their perkiness having succumbed to the Law of Gravity.
